To Love
Happy Valentine's Day!
I have always been the biggest fan of rom-coms. Drawn to what movies and TV shows depict as love, I've somehow collected these large expectations of what love "should" look and feel like. Valentine's Day is included in this list of assumptions.
Teenage me, full of angst and drama, hated Valentine's Day and everything it represented. Granted, I partially owe it to a 6th grade event where someone told me that the boy I liked had been paid by his friends to take me to the Valentine's dance. Picture little Rachel wearing a pink shirt, standing in the middle of the cafeteria floor, devastated, and spotting red little hearts on the walls everywhere she looked. I think for a long time I believed that the only source of "love" came from a partner of some sort. Of course I knew that Jesus loved me and that my family loved me, but in my head it was a different kind of love. It wasn't as valuable as a love that came from a dorky middle school boy. I'm so happy that I was wrong.
Flash forward to high school me where I spent so much time pondering why nobody wanted me. I constantly beat myself up for not being able to "rope someone in," as my friends were getting into and developing relationships. Ironically, in high school, Valentine's Day became my favorite day. My school had singing telegrams, or "valograms," that consisted of my peers paying for other student(s) to sing a love song to someone else in the school. Even if you weren't the one being serenaded, you got to witness and jam out to all the acts that would come in filling the air with music. Someone sang to me almost every year. No, no, nothing like that. Either a friend would send one to me, or I was friends with one of the performers and would ask them to come help me waste class time and sing for free. I think somewhere along the way, I started to realize that love doesn't have to come from "the one," but rather it can come from "someone." And lucky for me, I was and still am surrounded by a lot of someones.
But alas, coming to college, I forgot that several times. But through all the hardships and self-doubts, I discovered a new type of love. Self-love. Yes, I know that self-care and self-love is all the craze lately, but I'm joining the trend. Hear me out.
During my hardships last semester, I wrote this in my journal.
I mean, what do I know haha? But this revelation changed the way I lived. I had to realize that love had value of it's own.
This made me care less when people didn't think I was enough. In fact, I think I drew closer to the people who did show kindness to me and this not only surrounded me with love, but helped me love them more in return. There's a quote by Tony A. Gaskins Jr that says:
I have always been the biggest fan of rom-coms. Drawn to what movies and TV shows depict as love, I've somehow collected these large expectations of what love "should" look and feel like. Valentine's Day is included in this list of assumptions.
Teenage me, full of angst and drama, hated Valentine's Day and everything it represented. Granted, I partially owe it to a 6th grade event where someone told me that the boy I liked had been paid by his friends to take me to the Valentine's dance. Picture little Rachel wearing a pink shirt, standing in the middle of the cafeteria floor, devastated, and spotting red little hearts on the walls everywhere she looked. I think for a long time I believed that the only source of "love" came from a partner of some sort. Of course I knew that Jesus loved me and that my family loved me, but in my head it was a different kind of love. It wasn't as valuable as a love that came from a dorky middle school boy. I'm so happy that I was wrong.
Flash forward to high school me where I spent so much time pondering why nobody wanted me. I constantly beat myself up for not being able to "rope someone in," as my friends were getting into and developing relationships. Ironically, in high school, Valentine's Day became my favorite day. My school had singing telegrams, or "valograms," that consisted of my peers paying for other student(s) to sing a love song to someone else in the school. Even if you weren't the one being serenaded, you got to witness and jam out to all the acts that would come in filling the air with music. Someone sang to me almost every year. No, no, nothing like that. Either a friend would send one to me, or I was friends with one of the performers and would ask them to come help me waste class time and sing for free. I think somewhere along the way, I started to realize that love doesn't have to come from "the one," but rather it can come from "someone." And lucky for me, I was and still am surrounded by a lot of someones.
But alas, coming to college, I forgot that several times. But through all the hardships and self-doubts, I discovered a new type of love. Self-love. Yes, I know that self-care and self-love is all the craze lately, but I'm joining the trend. Hear me out.
During my hardships last semester, I wrote this in my journal.
I want to live bigger than myself. I strive to love people. Yes, I think I wanted to be the one to be loved, but the truth is, I am loved. I just limit my information on who love has to come from. It doesn't need to be from my bestest friends or a "special someone," it can be from my parents,other people, and God, but most of all, ME. I can take myself on my own dates and adventures. And I think the key to receiving love from others (because it's usually there and I'm unaware of it) is believing that there's something lovable about myself.
This made me care less when people didn't think I was enough. In fact, I think I drew closer to the people who did show kindness to me and this not only surrounded me with love, but helped me love them more in return. There's a quote by Tony A. Gaskins Jr that says:
"Self Love. It doesn't mean that everyone will treat
you the way you deserve to be treated.It means
that you won't let them change the way you see yourself;
nor will you stick around for them to destroy you."
Mark 12:31 says "Love your neighbor as yourself." The order is important. If you don't love yourself, how can you love your neighbor? And I hope that by accepting myself, I'm preparing for whomever comes my way.
So I hope you bask in love. Be aware of the people around you that do love you because you are loved. And whether you're single or in a relationship, show your self some love today (:
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