How I Did on my 2019 Resolutions
To be honest, I've created resolutions every year for the past five years and have been terrible at it. By March, I literally forget what they were. But because I've started actively journaling for about a year now, I was able to look back and navigate where I was at, at the beginning of 2019 and what I had hoped to accomplish this year. I've decided to share with y'all what these goals were for me. For some context on what my life looked like, here's what I wrote before listing my resolutions:
12. 31. 18
2018. What a year. One of extreme up's and down's. One with love and heartbreak. A year of change. One thing I've learned this year is that a lot can change in a short amount of time, and with this information, I plan to take action, achieve goals, and allow change.
Quite the dramatic entry haha. I apologize for the drama, but I guess I was very much in my feels this day, struggling with who I was.
Here are the 5 changes I wanted to implement in my life in 2019, and here's what actually happened:
1. Go to the gym at least once a week
Wow, I can't believe I actually wrote this because this did not happen at all haha. I mean, I work at a gym, so I guess in reality I did go to the gym about three times a week... But for better context, I was really struggling with the "freshman 15" when I wrote this. I spent most of winter break last year, beating myself up for it. I literally would measure or weigh myself each day, which was useless since I only became frustrated with myself when I would. Body image still continues to be an issue for me, and I found myself creating not the healthiest of habits. Towards the end of this year, I responded by doing a lot of research about the body and seeing a nutritionist, to figure out how to take care of myself BEFORE trying to achieve the particular image I had created as what I "needed" to be.
2. Spend every morning with Him→ finish at least 5 books in the Bible
I feel like trying to read the Bible as a habit has always been a struggle for me. I've probably set this as a New Year's resolution every year since like the 6th grade. This year, my consistency came in waves. I would say in the months of January, April, June, July, and August, I had the most success in reading each day. I think I did end up finishing 5 books, mostly short ones, but what I noticed was that my reading pattern had a direct correlation to my emotions. When I was mad, I didn't read. When things were pretty stable, I did read. When I was desperate and overwhelmed, I read a lot.
3. Be present → don't focus on what you don't have or what's to come, see what is now.
This one is a little more vague, but I think to a certain extent I accomplished this greatly. Perhaps some of my success is because the future terrifies me now, but I think I also included practices in my life to "let go" of the past. What I had to realize was that memories can have the same amount of impact as current moments, and that in order to grow my collection of memories, I have to savor and be present in my current moments. I want to be able to reflect/relive them with much detail and emotion. This allowed me to continue to move forward from the then and be present in the now.
4. Figure out how to love myself → believe that I am enough
I spent the most time on #4, mainly because this is what I struggled with the most. And some of the circumstances that I faced this year, made me have to deal with how I saw myself and what I was going to do for myself. Maybe it's a selfish thing, I don't really know, but as someone who defined themselves based on others and didn't want to deal with what was inside their own heart and put all their focus in the people around them, I thought that maybe this was an important thing I needed to do. I did do a lot of things for myself like taking more risks, investing in things I loved to do, implementing more self-care nights, but as most things, these actions didn't make me all of a sudden "love myself" overnight. I think this is something I have to continue exploring and work on. I think I owe myself that much. Confidence is something I hope to gain a little more of.
5. Spend less time online and more in stretching or reading or with others or exploring
I think I did do this. As someone who is really busy, any time that isn't used for school is used for Netflix. But this year, I wanted to be better at making time for those around me, and for myself. Despite how I was feeling, I would force myself to go do things, and I haven't regretted them at all. Exploring with people has been really fun. I think this helped me develop my friendships at school, but also helped me develop myself and my sense for adventure. I love to learn things, and I think this let me learn a lot this year.
12. 31. 18
2018. What a year. One of extreme up's and down's. One with love and heartbreak. A year of change. One thing I've learned this year is that a lot can change in a short amount of time, and with this information, I plan to take action, achieve goals, and allow change.
Quite the dramatic entry haha. I apologize for the drama, but I guess I was very much in my feels this day, struggling with who I was.
 |
| taken by me with HUJI app |
Here are the 5 changes I wanted to implement in my life in 2019, and here's what actually happened:
1. Go to the gym at least once a week
Wow, I can't believe I actually wrote this because this did not happen at all haha. I mean, I work at a gym, so I guess in reality I did go to the gym about three times a week... But for better context, I was really struggling with the "freshman 15" when I wrote this. I spent most of winter break last year, beating myself up for it. I literally would measure or weigh myself each day, which was useless since I only became frustrated with myself when I would. Body image still continues to be an issue for me, and I found myself creating not the healthiest of habits. Towards the end of this year, I responded by doing a lot of research about the body and seeing a nutritionist, to figure out how to take care of myself BEFORE trying to achieve the particular image I had created as what I "needed" to be.
2. Spend every morning with Him→ finish at least 5 books in the Bible
I feel like trying to read the Bible as a habit has always been a struggle for me. I've probably set this as a New Year's resolution every year since like the 6th grade. This year, my consistency came in waves. I would say in the months of January, April, June, July, and August, I had the most success in reading each day. I think I did end up finishing 5 books, mostly short ones, but what I noticed was that my reading pattern had a direct correlation to my emotions. When I was mad, I didn't read. When things were pretty stable, I did read. When I was desperate and overwhelmed, I read a lot.
3. Be present → don't focus on what you don't have or what's to come, see what is now.
This one is a little more vague, but I think to a certain extent I accomplished this greatly. Perhaps some of my success is because the future terrifies me now, but I think I also included practices in my life to "let go" of the past. What I had to realize was that memories can have the same amount of impact as current moments, and that in order to grow my collection of memories, I have to savor and be present in my current moments. I want to be able to reflect/relive them with much detail and emotion. This allowed me to continue to move forward from the then and be present in the now.
4. Figure out how to love myself → believe that I am enough
I spent the most time on #4, mainly because this is what I struggled with the most. And some of the circumstances that I faced this year, made me have to deal with how I saw myself and what I was going to do for myself. Maybe it's a selfish thing, I don't really know, but as someone who defined themselves based on others and didn't want to deal with what was inside their own heart and put all their focus in the people around them, I thought that maybe this was an important thing I needed to do. I did do a lot of things for myself like taking more risks, investing in things I loved to do, implementing more self-care nights, but as most things, these actions didn't make me all of a sudden "love myself" overnight. I think this is something I have to continue exploring and work on. I think I owe myself that much. Confidence is something I hope to gain a little more of.
5. Spend less time online and more in stretching or reading or with others or exploring
I think I did do this. As someone who is really busy, any time that isn't used for school is used for Netflix. But this year, I wanted to be better at making time for those around me, and for myself. Despite how I was feeling, I would force myself to go do things, and I haven't regretted them at all. Exploring with people has been really fun. I think this helped me develop my friendships at school, but also helped me develop myself and my sense for adventure. I love to learn things, and I think this let me learn a lot this year.
 |
| my beautiful friends taken by me with HUJI app |
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