Restless Mind

My eyelids rested over my eyes and yet, I felt so restless. Switching between long stares at the ceiling and checking my phone every five minutes to see if anyone texted me at 2'o clock in the morning, I tried to ignore the thoughts that were entering my mind.

You're going to college? For dance? Hah. 

Have you even danced this summer? You barely did. How do you think you are going to look in front of all those amazing dancers and faculty? Sucky, that's what. Oh, oh, oh, and you can't just drive back home if you wanted to. You decided to be 1500 plus miles away so good luck dealing with that. 

It wouldn't stop.

You have to actually talk to people. Yeah, that's right, like with words. 

And the people you know now, you gotta say goodbye to. Have you done that? Grabbed lunch or dinner with so and so and with what's his name? Yeah, better get on that.

I grabbed my phone squinting, lowering the brightness to keep from being blinded, and clicked open Youtube. I watched video after video to keep my mind off everything, hoping that one of these videos would be super boring, and I would just fall asleep during it. 3:30 am. My eyes started to fade, so I locked my phone, turned it over, and faced the ceiling with my eyes closed.

Hey shouldn't you start packing?

My eyes burst wide open. I just wanted to go to sleep and now I found myself thinking of every single item in my closet, eliminating several clothing items in my mind and mentally packing the others. I reached for my phone again, flipped it over: 4:00.

"Hey God," I cried out loud, "How's it going?"
Next thing I knew, I was crying, thanking God for the people in my life, praying over each person I thought of, expressing every worry I had, begging for time to slow down. Yeah, it was too emotional and dramatic now that I think about it, but I didn't know what else to do‒ my thoughts took over. After a long while of muttering this and that and snapping a few swollen eyed selfies, I was a little more peaceful and felt extremely grateful for my current life.

Thinking that I could maybe finally go to sleep, I checked my phone one last time at 5:14, and shut my slightly puffy eyes once again. Rolling around to find a comfortable position, I started to picture the bright lights, accompanied by honking horns, and could slowly feel the taste of one dollar pizza in my mouth...