Ready to be a Fish Again

Until now, I did not want to leave my life. I was used to both the good and the bad circumstances that I faced every day. The Texas heat, the hour long drive to school, my relationships, my busy schedule, the double life, all of it. I couldn't imagine anything better. I truly thought that this was the climax, that this was as good as my life was going to get. I felt settled. I felt safe. I felt comfortable. I mean, I just graduated high school. Top dog, king of the world. Why would I want to go back and be a fish again? Fish are weird-looking and smelly. Freshmen get the label "fish" because fish are looked down upon and perceived as helpless. And I didn't want anyone to know that I did, in fact, feel helpless. Change was coming, and I felt unprepared.

I can't explain what exactly changed between the beginning of summer and this moment now, but I guess after thinking about a life of an actual fish, I started to get excited about college. Small creatures, yet they have access to a whole sea. A sea that is never-ending and can constantly be more and more explored. Yeah, there are "bigger fish in the sea" and yeah, the ocean is scary, but it's filled with purpose. I sat back, prayed a little, and thought to myself, in my life right now, in Texas, with the amazing people, and my amazing life, what's my purpose? I couldn't think of a single thing. Everything was already content. But when I thought about college, all of a sudden, things I wanted to try, things I wanted to do, people I wanted to meet, goals I wanted to accomplish, all came flooding into my mind. I felt like I have so much to learn and so much I have yet to know about the world. Even if I am looked down upon or perceived as helpless, I would still be surrounded by newness with the potential of building myself back up again. Then I thought, do other people go through this too? Fearing change even though they feel like their current life is just so safe and comfortable?

So this thing that you are reading right now, is my first blog post. I feel like as I am preparing to take on my next journey in life, I wanted to share my past experiences to maybe assure someone else in the world that they'll be okay and will survive their feeling of being helpless and small. My blog is going to be college, college application process, lifestyle, and beauty type posts because these are the things I have or still am figuring out. I think I am ready to be a fish again and learn new things about life, and I hope that by reading this blog, you will also realize that being a fish isn't so bad.